Help! My Baby Won’t Sleep for Mom but Will for Dad

Sometimes, dads just seem to have it all! Researchers reviewed three scientific studies involving 18,000 parents collectively, and they found that most fathers are happier in their parenting roles more often than mothers. That makes sense when you consider the results of another study, which found that fathers tend to provide more recreational caregiving on the weekends while mothers handle more of the difficult parenting chores on a daily basis.

For parents concerned that a baby won’t sleep for mom but will for dad, the stress of parenting is heightened even more for moms. How is a mom supposed to handle the majority of the most stressful parenting chores if she can’t even get her baby to take a nap or sleep for a few hours during the night?

For some babies, preference for one parent seems to occur without obvious reason. Affections can swing from one parent to another seemingly at random. In most cases, it simply comes down to which parent provides the most daily care and spends the most quality time with the baby.

To help you maneuver this situation, we put together some deeper insights. There are some things moms can do to get their babies sleeping better even when dad isn’t around.

Do Babies Sleep Better Away from Their Moms?

baby won't sleep for mom but will for dad

There’s great debate in the parenting world when it comes to where and how babies should sleep. There are research studies concluding that most babies prefer to sleep alone in their own rooms as early as four months of age. Then you have passionate arguments from parenting experts who insist that babies should sleep with their mothers because it encourages breastfeeding, helps mothers regulate hormones, and ensures the baby’s needs are met throughout the night.

Every parent must decide their position in the co-sleeping debate. There are so many options, and where the baby seems happiest and best able to sleep is a factor all parents consider. Many experts believe that babies sleep best when they are close to their mothers, at least for the first year of life. Others strongly advocate separate beds within the parent’s room to ensure safety while providing the closeness the baby needs to parental figures.

In general, babies receive a great deal of comfort from their parents. By three months of age, babies can differentiate their mother’s face from the faces of other people. By seven months old, many babies will start to show a stronger bond with one parent or the other. They may draw closer to the parent nourishing and nurturing them on a routine basis, which is often the mother in our modern culture.

So, where does this leave us? Do babies sleep better away from their moms?

There is some scientific research showing that babies get more sound sleep and may stay asleep longer when they sleep in their own bedrooms. Every baby is also different, so some are more independent than others. Some babies prefer cuddling and closeness while others may indeed sleep better solo, away from their mothers.

Why Do Babies Sleep Better with Dad?

This is a subjective question that doesn’t have a black and white answer that applies to all babies. Yes, some babies will sleep better away from their moms. There are likely just as many babies who sleep better with their moms. Then there are the many babies who sleep about the same regardless of the parent putting them to bed or rocking them to sleep.

When babies do prefer one parent over the other for sleeping, it’s likely to come down to one or more of the following factors:

Does the baby feel safer with one parent over the other?
Does one parent fulfill most of the baby’s needs during the day?
Does the baby spend more quality time with one parent or the other?
If the parents sleep in separate rooms or houses, is one room or home more soothing and comforting than the other?
Has one parent been sleeping with the baby more since birth?

Babies may sleep better with a father or mother due to any of these factors. If a baby has been napping with daddy on the couch every Saturday since birth, they may start to associate sleeping with dad. If a stay-at-home dad provides nourishment and care on a daily basis while the mom is working, then the baby may develop a stronger attachment to the dad for the sake of survival.

You can turn that all around and say the same for babies who prefer to sleep with their mothers. A lot of the same reasons apply, regardless of which parent is preferred at the moment.

Why Some Babies Prefer Their Dads Over Moms

According to psychological research, babies don’t start to show a preference for one parent over the other until they’re 3 to 7 months old. Babies are motivated by having their needs met in the first couple of years of life. They’re often drawn to the parent who is most likely to continue meeting their needs as they grow. If that parent is dad, then they may seem to prefer dad much of the time.

As babies grow and their needs change, they may switch their preferred parents multiple times. The unique dynamics of each family will play a significant role in determining who the baby wants to spend time with, day and night. Anytime those dynamics change, the baby may also change behaviors and preferences.

If you notice that your baby seems to prefer dad over mom, look closely at the dynamics of your family unit. Does dad spend more time playing and having fun with the baby while mom does most of the hard chores like bathing and feeding? Maybe dad has a more calming, soothing demeanor while mom is more high-strung and energetic. It’s possible the baby simply enjoys the attitude of one parent over the other.

Babies can prefer their mom just as they can their dad. Changing family dynamics can shift the baby’s preferences, or those preferences may change at any time without any obvious provocation.

Related: Help! My baby won’t sleep in our new house!

What Moms Can Do to Get Their Baby to Sleep Better

It’s important to calm your emotions if you feel your baby prefers daddy over you. Whether it’s a general preference or just for sleeping, remember that your baby doesn’t intend to isolate or hurt you. They’re simply doing what feels best for them at the moment. They can easily start to prefer you in some situations as their needs change over the years.

Remain open to interactions with your baby when they are ready for you. If you can join in on some of the fun the baby has with dad, you may not feel so left out.

Tips for helping baby sleep better with mom

If the issue is only getting the baby to sleep just as well for mom as dad, these tips can help:

Coordinate sleep schedules. If you’re coparenting from two separate homes or sleeping in different rooms, make sure bedtime is the same regardless of where the baby is each night. If the baby is currently sleeping better for dad, then mom may copy the sleep schedule and environment that dad has implemented.
Eliminate anything that may overstimulate the baby two to three hours before bedtime. You may go with calm, soothing music over television and a relaxing bath over intense playtime.
Make sure the baby receives adequate stimulation throughout the day. If dad is doing most of the play and talking time, the baby may simply feel more tired after spending time with him.
Pay attention to when your baby naturally starts feeling tired. Make sure the sleep schedule coordinates with the baby’s natural biological rhythm, which changes as they grow.
Invest in a more soothing sleeping environment. Make sure the bedding is comfortable, the temperature is just right in the baby’s room, and invest in a white noise machine to drown out background noise.

Wrap Up- Baby will sleep for dad but won’t sleep for mom!

Stay strong, moms! A baby’s attention may seem to flow unfairly in the direction of dad, but they still need a strong mom in their life. The baby may prefer daddy today and mommy tomorrow. You never know when that switch will set in, but it’s coming.

Help! Baby Won’t Sleep For Mom But Will For Dad