Comebacks for Rude Pregnancy Comments

It’s the strangest thing: when women are pregnant, people seem to think they can say whatever they want to a complete stranger. Even friends feel like they have free reign to say the weirdest and rudest things to you, comments they’d never make if you weren’t pregnant. You don’t have to take that kind of talk, either! For years, too many women have just quietly accepted these kinds of questions.

Instead of putting up with it quietly, you can snap back a little with some hilarious, witty, and sometimes pretty sharp comebacks. We arranged them based on the question or comment you’re likely to get. We’ll also organize them by “sharpness,” aka how hard you snap back at whoever asks. So please read through this list and find any comebacks that you think sound perfect for your situation.

“Are You Pregnant?”

It’s stunning how many people think it’s okay to ask this question to a woman who’s clearly visibly pregnant. Or to women who might have a larger stomach but no upcoming baby. It’s just rude all around and always deserves a little pushback. Here are a few great ways to put them in their place:

“Wow, nothing gets past you, huh? Is your nickname Sherlock Holmes?”
“I’ve just been eating a lot of potato chips lately; back off, okay?”
“Yes, I am; how about you?” (Great if that person is a little chunky)
“Congratulations! You’re the 50th person to ask me that today. You win a prize of two middle fingers.”
“Have you ever asked that question to someone and not gotten slapped?”
“Actually, I just stole a basketball from a store, don’t tell anybody!”

“Wow, You Seem So Young to Be Pregnant!”

This snide comment honesty probably deserves a backhand across the face. But slapping someone for being idiotic is likely to get you thrown in jail, so some restraint is called for here. People who say this are judging you for being sexually active so young, likely forgetting their initial forays into sex. Here are a few ways you can shut them right up:

“Well, with the state of modern education, I didn’t know having sex made babies. More fool me!”
“People always say that, but I’m actually 50 years old. My doctor said I might be too old!”
“My middle school counselor told me I should be more ambitious, and this was his solution!”
“See, and I was going to say that you’re far too old to be so clueless and rude!”
“You think I’m young now? I’ve already had three. One’s almost graduated high school!”
“It’s a family tradition, and let me tell you: my mom’s excited to become a great-grandmother!”

“You Look Tired, Are You Feeling Okay With Your Pregnancy?”

From the right mouth, this might be a sincere concern. Your best friend, your partner, and even your parents have the right to ask you this question. However, random strangers asking you this question are insulting and deserve a little verbal beatdown. Furthermore, some of your best frenemies may use this comment to put you down, so try these insults to let them know who’s queen of the block:

“I heard that if you don’t sleep long enough, you hallucinate stupid people like you don’t exist!”
“They always say there’s no rest for the wicked, but I hear morons sleep perfectly every night.”
“Who has time for sleep when it takes so long to plan my revenge on you for asking idiotic things.”
“When you ask questions like that, you should be prepared to never sleep again.”
“Oh, I was out all night partying with your best friends/partner/mom. You weren’t invited?”
“Ask me that one more time, and you might find yourself sleeping with the fishes.”

“Wow, You’re Getting Big!”

A comment like this assumes a closeness and familiarity with a stranger that they haven’t earned. It’s also an obviously rude statement, one that seems cute on the surface but which is ultimately a not-so-subtle putdown. Here are a few things you can say to snap back at that person:

“You try growing an entire human being in your body without putting a little weight on, huh?”
“Oh, this? My partner and I are into the feeder/feedee scene; you should check it out!”
“Are you trying to tell me that all those hours at the gym aren’t paying off?
“It’s a top-secret experiment to do with aliens and stupid people, and I can’t really talk about it.”
“There’s a thin line between observant and stupid, and I think you just crossed it.”
“It’s people like you saying things like that that force me to stress eat in the first place.”

“Oh, Looks Like You Were Having Some Fun, Huh?”

We’ll never know what goes through someone’s head when they say something like this ridiculous comment. Why exactly would someone think it’s okay to insinuate that you’re promiscuous or that you were “naught” is beyond us. Here are a few ways you can let them know how you feel:

“Yes, just yesterday, I had morning sickness and puked all day. Fun, fun, fun!”
“It was an open audition; I had at least seven guys coming over a day to get to this point.”
“Oh, that’s cute; someone just told you where babies come from. I remember being 12, too.”
“Ever swam in a public pool? If you don’t want to end up like this, I strongly urge against it.”
“Make sure you don’t tell my partner. They haven’t noticed I cheated on them yet.”
“What do you mean? I just woke up like this yesterday. Do you think it’s serious?”

“How Many More Kids Are You Going to Have?”

Here’s another question that probably seems benign on the surface but which assumes a lot about you. How does a complete stranger know how many kids you’ve had so far? You might only be on your first. Furthermore, even friends should know better than to ask this question. It’s the kind of thing that assumes a lot about you based on very little. Put them down with these comebacks:

“You know, I was thinking I’d have at least one more, but I’m open to having 50 or 60.”
“It all depends on the black market demand, really. Prices have been so hit or miss lately.”
“Listen, I’m trying to win at kid bingo, so I gotta keep having new ones to punch my card.”
“Once you hit 20 or so, you sorta lose count. I guess I can check the kid stacks back at home.”
“It’s a race between me and my best friend to have 100. Who do you think will win?”
“Ah, if I don’t like this one, I’ll probably just exchange it for a new one.”

“Feeling Like You’re Fat Enough Yet?”

Why? Just why? We’ll never, ever get why someone feels they have the right to walk up to a pregnant woman (or anybody!) and say something so stupid. It’s like you get dehumanized in some people’s eyes simply because you have a baby. Okay, rant over (for now, anyway). You deserve better than that, so here are a few ways you can let people know that what they said isn’t acceptable in any universe:

“If you mean phat with a ‘ph,” then I’m way ahead of you. I’m a hot, phat mama, that’s for sure!”
“I thought about asking you the same question but decided to be nice about it. Unlike you.”
“Sorry, I haven’t started my binge and purge routine to get back to fighting weight yet.”
“I literally have an entire human being living inside of me right now. What’s your excuse?”
“Yes, I am, and let me counter that by asking you this question: feeling like you’re stupid enough yet?”
“The last person who asked me didn’t live to regret it. Don’t push your luck.”

“Should You Be Doing/Eating/Drinking That?”

People often feel like they’re being polite when they ask this question, and, in some cases, they might be genuinely concerned that you might hurt your baby. However, you’ve done a lot of research, and you know what you can and can’t do. It’s also none of their business how you live your life. You need to let them know that what they said wasn’t right. So, here’s how you let them down:

“Well, I studied all the books on pregnancy I could, and it says it’s fine. Have you?”
“It’s safer for me to do this than it is for you to ask questions like that to a pregnant woman.”
“Look, it’s either I eat this or slap you, so go ahead and take your pick here.”
“I’m actually in a scientific study to gauge what stupid things people will say when pregnant women do this. You failed.”
“Probably not, but stupid questions like that stress me out so much I’m going to do it more.”
“Congratulations on becoming a doctor! You must be if you can tell me what to do like one.”

Wrap Up – Comebacks for Rude Pregnancy Comments

That’s it! We hope you don’t ever need to use these lines. But just in case, this post has equipped you with enough comeback ideas next time you get those uncalled for and rude pregnancy comments especially from strangers.

Have you used any of these lines? What’s your favorite among them?

Great Comebacks for Rude Pregnancy Comments